British Kangaroo

A British Kangaroo huh? Well sure, let’s go with that. And just so we’re clear I have chosen to represent the Hispanic Koala and we’re working on a pilot for his show which will air right after yours. Not saying he’ll be after your timeslot, but I am saying koalas are fucking adorable.

The limey Kangaroo shows up late his first day of taping in our new season. He is obviously hung over and can not even manage to stand for long before having to sit. As the star you go over to try and gague his resolve in making this show; our show; the best ever. “Wanker get ou’ma face!” he exclaims. He speaks with a discernable mix of English & Australian accents. “I’m here ain’t I. The bloodly hell do I care bout some rubbish tots show?” Storming off he makes it too his trailer with the help of a PA. And that was the end of his first day of shooting.

The taping of the next couple of episodes goes the same way. By the time we get to episode 5 until you are just fed up and drag the brit roo out back behind the soundstage and brawl. The fighting is so intense security even tear gasses you both thinking you’re escaped pets of a talk show guest. It makes the papers and the ratings drop even further. So much so that you turn to drugs… well let’s be serious, you’re famous so you are already doing drugs. It just got more publicly obvious.
As the downward spiral starts to spin out, you get a helping hand from an unlikely source. One day as you are lying face down in your pool trying to kill yourself the kangaroo jumps in and pulls you out. After a great deal of effort and the pungent odor of wet fur you both lay on the edge of the pool laughing at what life became.

Starting that day you both clean up your acts and turn things around. Becoming each other’s sponsor you are able to rely on one another and make the show all the great things it once was. The kids look up to you, the parents respect you and more importantly trust you around their children… still supervised though.

Your show is doing great, but that show I put together with the koala, well it’s doing gosh darn amazing. We even got him a red panda sidekick and that just blew ratings out of the water. So I’m going to work full time and be their narrator now. Bye!


Ahem, sorry mate that narrating wank went barmy in leavin ya. Ya all right? Who needs that yakking bloke anyway? I can be ya sponsa, so I’ll narriate ya too. That blinkered American cunt and his tiny bolloked pets went off and did thea show. It was all well and good and all, but our show had depth right? Them producer types even let us do a show about suicide yeah? Pretty edgy considering for the censorship here in the states, but still hit ya down deep. We were brassed off with doing the kiddy shit yeah. Took them tots to a whole nutha level. Fancy them koala wanks when we went and did that.

Our show got picked up for an adult timeslot and we were free to do as we pleased mate. Sure we may of got fined for half the shit on we did, but ratings went off the scale right? That bloke was gagging for us to take em back. He was arse over tit trying to please ya, tosser kept his pecker up yeah but shit got booring. So we just ate em one night. Best BBQ I eva had.


The End… now piss off yeah?