Enough with the bear puns (2-E)

“You know what,” you say to yourself and the campers. “Fuck this; I am not going to go through this tale where every other sentence has the word bear in it. Yes I am a talking animal with human characteristics, but nonstop bear puns are so irritating. I’m sure you are good people, hell you’re getting high and I think that’s awesome. But I just can’t do deal with all the bear shit.” The confused faces of the campers let out a giggle the words you just spoke. “Really? Are you stoners that immature. And look at this, this fire is out of control, you really should pay attention to it. One of your can get burned or even worse set a large fire here in the forest. That’s would be rad now would it?” With your hands at your sides you look on to the campers, they are trying to force serious faces as the smiles slowly appear and dissipate. “Sorry Smokey we didn’t realize how dangerous our fire really was,” one of the camper attempted to say with a straight face only to burst out into laughter. This brought on laughter from the whole group who continued to laugh uncontrollably at that point.

At that point you had enough, the bear puns and the immaturity coupled with the danger the fire brought was where you had to draw the line. You were never one who wanted to resort to violence, but you felt that it was a great social justice to tear those idiotic stoners to shreds right then and there. At the end of it you covered the fire with their bloody corpses to put the fire out. And as you looked with the setting sun with the blood on another dripped down your forehead you swore that you would eternally keep the forest safe form no good lazy stoners; who litter and poorly spend their parents hard earned money; by mauling them to death. As the sole creature of the forest that understood their language it was up to you, and you did so for years to come.

In your old age you would tell your grandkids of your heroism and a monument would be built in the forest to honor your deeds. And at the bear age of 85 you took your final breaths leaving a fulfilling bear life. You were buried that fall before hibernation under your monument with a plaque that read: “Here lies Ray the anthropomorphic black bear. He was a good bear. He was a kind bear. He lived a Beary good life, and was respected even by those who bearly knew him.”


The end