You have a dad now and with that knowledge comes the overbearing demand for his approval and respect. So you are going to step into the family business and be the best evil genius you can be… and you dad will have to love you.
With a confident smirk you find the location of the lab and begin work on your dastardly plan of evil. For the first 10 minutes you’re just putting things together with a soldering iron, but you quickly decide on sinking France. It just seems like something you’ve always wanted to do… and you always felt they were smug. That’s enough of a reason for you, well that and the fact that you hate mimes. France is just a breeding ground for mimes.
It does not take a geologist to figure out the best method for sinking France is by destroying the ground underneath it… or the tectonic plates or whatever. As I am not a geologist, I don’t have to explain the actual science. You get to work on a series of programmed boring missiles that will, “destroy the rotten foundation on which that smelly country stands.” Your words, not mine… though I do have to commend you on working on the evil genius lingo.
Within a week the missiles are completed and in place. Within two weeks the missiles complete their respective drilling tasks and detonate in the ground sending France down into the depths of the ocean. Proud and excited you run over to your dad’s lab to tell him the good news. Sure you’re interrupting his work, but you really; really want that pat on the head. Side note: currently he is working on a low-carb whole wheat bread that upon consumption will degrade bone density. After a few days a person’s bones will be so brittle that the minute they attempt anything in yoga bodies will simply shatter gruesomely in front of everyone who is attempting the downward dog pose.
It is pretty ingenious, but now is your time to shine. You grab the remote and switch on the TV to show him the crazed news reports with people crying and running about. Flipping through the channels you attempt to find it, but there is not a single utterance of France’s demise. The world did not notice and did not skip a beat that day… or any day following until it was fashion week, but then they just changed plans so no one bothered. But that day you look over as your expression of glee slowly fades. Your dad is just looking back at you shaking his head in disapproval before going back to work
Face it though this was your first and only attempt, you suck as an evil genius. Your dad thinks so too, he told me the other day during brunch. He has such high hopes for you, but you let him down. Seriously you could probably start a nonprofit charity aiming to help the needy throughout the world and he couldn’t detest you as much as he does right now. But you know what keep at it. I’m sure after enough of your failed attempts your dad will have no choice but you settle for you and give his approval when he’s on his deathbed. You know unless he makes another attempt at an heir, but you shouldn’t put that idea in his head. Now get back to it, the world isn’t going to attempt to rule itself.
The End
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