Aliens, pot and nerds don’t mix. This shit is only going to get weirder if you stick around, because that’s how these things work. So you simply shout out to the light, “Take this one, pretty sure he’s a virgin.” As you hold up the glasses clad camper. Throwing him up in the air you immediately dash out of the light and into the forest.
You run and run until your bear lungs can’t take it anymore. Lucky for you as you reached that point you arrived to a campsite that just so happened to have a motorcycle… with a sidecar. Now what’s better than that? Oh I know as you got on the bike and started it up a loveable squirrel hopped in the sidecar and put on a little helmet. Now that is just plain old adorable if you ask me. Ready to leave this forest life behind you both you ride all the way to Canada. Stopping by the Niagara falls on your way, because they are just a majestic sight to behold.
With your new life as a Canadian underway you land a job as a lumberjack. You have the strength for it and after showing up to the interview with a flannel shirt they foreman couldn’t tell the difference between you and the other lumberjacks. Plus it helps you with your now hatred of the forest, destroying them and all. As for your squirrel pal you parted ways at the falls as he fell for a local bobcat and they decided to get gay married on the Canadian side of the falls. You of course were the best man and it was a beautiful ceremony, but that’s all behind you now. Now it’s just another memory you saved by placing the photo in your wallet.
Months go by eventually… you know as time flows and all. You forget the life you once had south of the border and you grow comfortable with your new life. You’ve made lumberjack friends and it’s been really peaceful. Sure every so often Americans show up to protest with picket signs about cutting down trees, but you and the other lumberjacks laugh at the face that they use wood for the sign posts and paper for the signs. But they’re American, so what do you expect.
One day on the site you cross paths with the foreman’s daughter. You see her visit the site every so often to bring her father lunch, but you never had the courage to say a word. Today was different as you passer her by the scent of her perfume spun you right around and you mustered up the courage to speak. “H-hi,” you fumbled. She looked back at you and let out a giggle. Nervous you begin to sweat, but that was okay since you were covered in fur and no one could tell. After many attempts at sentences she eventually asked you out to dinner knowing she’d be there all day if she waited for you to say it. This made your bear heart race and once work ended you ran home to get ready.
Going through all your clothes you picked out the freshest flannel shirt you had to wear to dinner. And just in case the place was classy you threw on your tie with a picture of a cartoon trout on it. You hopped in your truck and drove to the foreman’s house to pick up his daughter for the date. Though the foreman scowls at you the entire time you are waiting he knows you’re a good guy… or bear. I don’t think that part ever really came up in conversation though. He does allow you to take his daughter Abby out, so that must be a sign he trusts you.
The time you spend with Abby is amazing, she’s smart and witty. And even has that good old sarcasm that reminds you of America. The relationship grows and before you know it she’s moving in with you. Her dad though tough even starts calling you son. Your lives together are filled with happiness no matter what. Years pass and eventually the foreman asks if you want to become his right hand man, because “I want to keep the business in the family,” he chuckles. It takes a moment to realize what he is implying, but the reality of his job offer sinks in like a rat in an Italian family who’s been thrown in the river while wearing concrete shoes.
Your time in Canada has been a special one, the best years of your life even. But now you’re faced with marriage. Her father wants you to make an honest woman of his daughter, and she probably wants the same… I mean she has been ordering a lot of bride catalogues and talking about flower arrangements late at night before you go to bed. Yes you are happy and the sex is amazing, but you never really saw yourself as a one woman bear. This whole trip to Canada has been about escape for you… and the concept of settling down seems all too soul shattering. But you do love her… and the sex… did I mention it was amazing? So your call bear lumberjack, what’ll it be?
Let’s try and drag this marriage thing out (5-N)
Propose already (5-O)
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