Just like any other male not overwhelmed by loneliness the thought of marriage terrifies the shit out of you. *Note to women, yes it’s true. Men like freedom and the thought of marriage is like if freedom were a bunny and breaking that bunny’s legs so it cannot hop around anymore. But no need for morbid analogies and skewed views on the establishment of marriage. This is a tale about you, so I should stop before I go off on a tangent that will result in hate mail... So let’s keep this story going.
One day you come home from dinner and Abby throws in the idea of popping the question jokingly. “So earlier I was at the supermarket and Joe the butcher was asking me if I sent out wedding invitations yet. Isn’t that so silly?” She let out and awkward chuckle that fell on dead air. Moments pass before you clear your throat in a last ditch effort to buy some time. “Listen Abby, I love you. It’s just everything with us happened so fast and I never got a chance to figure myself out. I came to Canada to figure out who I am and was swept off my paws by you. I would love to marry you, but I still don’t even know myself. It wouldn’t be fair to you; I mean I don’t know if I love women, men or even crocodiles. My life is a mess and I want to figure that out, before we go any further. Do you think you can understand?” Once again dead air looms throughout your house.
After a few calming breaths she nods with a grin. “I know exactly what you’re talking about,” she says with a wink. Moments later she is on the phone with a friend and set you two up with a bottle of whiskey and shot glasses.
Next thing you know you’re groin deep in an orgy with your girlfriend and she’s having a blast. You don’t mind it so much yourself really, maybe this was just what you needed. Hell who wants to lose the girl who after telling her you don’t want to get married sets you up with an orgy? Later that week you’re married polygamy style. Married to Abby, a crocodile and a level 17 wizard… cause magic is Hot. Everyone moves in and you all have the time of your lives and they owe it all to you. Plus your wizard husband can do magic, so that is awesome in and of itself.
Months later Abby, the crocodile and the Wizard announce that they are pregnant. Welcome to the next stop on the responsibility train. I know you can’t wait to be a dad right?
Mexico it is (6-U)
Sure, I’ve gotten this far by making poor decisions (6-V)
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