Your first instinct is to make a comedic attempt to swim out of the glowing beam that is pulling you towards the ship. A backstroke, butterfly stroke maybe even a doggie paddle… but you’re high and need to keep your cool. There will be no swimming attempts, but the thought makes you giggle to yourself.
Not shortly after the paranoia kicks in, as you float upwards drunk stoned and very much so still covered in blood. What if these creatures are not friendly? What if they plan to anal probe you? What if there’s a language barrier and you end up mistakenly saying something offensive towards one of their mothers? What if they just want to eat you cause you looked tasty? What would an opossum do? That’s it, you play dead right there. You let your body go limp as the beam pulls you on the ship. Shortly after you are brought aboard the bottom of the ship closes under you and the light fades.
“Seriously life form, just get up. We know you’re alive.” You hear as your eyes are tightly shut. “This is supposed to be the dominant species of this planet? I thought it would be more advanced.”A voice spoke out. “Or at least clothed.” Another contributed. Slowly you peeked out of an eye to see what was going on. You saw shadows of figures standing around you whispering to one another. In an attempt to forge a bond you prop yourself up brushing the dust off. As you take a deep breath to formally introduce yourself you immediately lose pace and begin coughing in shock. What you see is a giant metal ship filled with other anthropomorphic bears starring back at you. You always knew you were different but you never thought you were this different.
After what seemed like minutes you mumbled some words together, “You, me… look like… us, the same?” “Wow,” one other bear shot out. “We picked a winner here.” An older anthropomorphic polar bear stepped forward. “I am Xanus friend, please do not be fearful. We mean you no harm. As for the similarities in our appearance, well our forms to you are a projection to comfort you. Our real skin is that similar to large menacing reptilian creatures with razor sharp teeth and tentacles that have claws on the-” “Oh,” you blurt. “Good call on that then.” Good call indeed, you probably would have shat yourself. I know I did thinking about that.
So you sit and talk about the world, politics, religion and the state of your countries economic status. Lucky for you there’s a newspaper delivered to your cave every morning, so you can keep up. During the chat Xanus quietly spoke, “So you are not the dominant life form on your planet?” He gets a sad look on his face, cause you ruined all the fun. “My apologies then for taking you on board. We wanted to know more of your people, but it turns out you are the only one of your kind. So we’ll be sending you back, because we couldn’t skin and feast upon an endangered species.” Wait what? Snap, looks like you lucked out just now Ray.
They keep their promise and return you to whence you came, subduing their bloodthirsty nature to preserve the last of a species. Sure they are monsters, but they’re not dicks. In an act of peace you told them where the campsites where, so they can find a good meal before they head home. It was a life changing experience for all of you that night. You learned that life exists beyond the stars and they learned not to eat talking animals. I’d call that a win-win.
Down the line you decide to pursue other unexplained mysteries and open a paranormal detective agency. Your office was complete with a sassy secretary and your name on the door. One day a hot blonde came in from the rain in a red coat asking for some help. Something seemed off about her, but you did like a good mystery. So you can hear her out or send her packing cause you have a 2:30 with some penguins who need your help finding a mummy’s ghost.
I’ll take the case (6-Q)
Beat it Toots (6-R)
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